Well, there was some speculation that the lanky Elin was going to get a $750 million dollar payday as a Tiger Woods divorce bonus. It turns out she’ll only pocket a mere $100 million. Poor girl. Not bad for the virtue of being an average-looking (by Swedish standards) woman who shook her little ass right into the perennially-horny Tiger’s libido.

And sure… Woods is really more of a dog than a tiger, and when you’re married your penis should only be entering the holes of the woman to whom you’re married. I think most of us agree on that. But, again…it raises the question: Why is it exactly that Elin is entitled to $100 million fucking dollars? That’s a lot of money friends? Should she get some child support? Yes, of course! Should she get some money as the fault which violated the marriage contract was committed by Woods? Yes, of course! But one hundred million dollars?

There is something seriously wrong with our American divorce culture.

You may remember Sandra Bullock from such films as Speed and While You Were Sleeping. I don’t know why this is…but, I just never remember Bullock for anything. I’ve heard her name many times, but I can’t even pull up a mental image. Let me do a Google image search. While Bullock is more attractive than average…and while she’s possibly a tiny bit more talented than average…she’s just sort of forgettable to me. In fact, I’m about to write a tiny bit about how Bullock just finalized her divorce to Jesse James, and I’ll probably forget that by lunch time.

Bullock also said that two months ago she adopted a boy named Louis. Great. Adopt a kid. Get rid of the man. Viva America. (That is sarcasm.)

Recently, we took a look at Tiger Woods’ upcoming divorce and how having a banging Swedish body can put $750 million in your Gucci purse. And, all of this, of course, stands as a good example of how not to get a cheap divorce! But, when a man’s worth over $900 million and lives in the good ole U.S. of A…yea, bend over low Mr. Woods because there ain’t going to be any Vaseline!

And, all of it begs the question…just what is it that entitles Elin Nordegren to three quarters of a billion dollars of another man’s money in addition to having majority power of his children…while the bad guy is also making public, self-castigating statements on his website for the world to view? Just how exactly did marriage in America come to this point? Granted, Tiger Woods’ behavior leaves a lot to be desired: although, his behavior really doesn’t contradict the innate male programming that’s in place from millions of years of human evolution. The marriage contract itself is an artificial constraint intended to regulate sexual behavior. And, in the case of Tiger…well, the regulation didn’t stick.

But, let’s keep at this thing…a woman marries a man, stays with him for five years, has a few kids…okay, in America this means that if she divorces him, she is entitled to $750 million dollars and residential custody of the kids? Really? At least in Nordegren’s case, this would fall under the category of a fault divorce, but…. since the 1970s and the advent of no fault divorce, that doesn’t even really matter.

So, what does Elin Nordegren want? And, what does she deserve? Apparently Tiger was having a good time banging the boxes of strippers and porn stars in every corner of the known universe. And, right…he shouldn’t have done that. Additionally, with a piece of woman as hot as Elin…well, her Swedish love slot should have been enough to put a permanent, idiot grin on the face of any red-blooded American man!

So, Elin does want things! I guess the reasoning goes like this: if you want to plow porn star pootanannie while married to me, it’s going to cost you. And, cost you dearly young Tiger. New semi-confirmed sources indicate that in addition to all the millions, sweet Elin wants Tiger’s Jupiter Island Estate (worth a whopping $80 million dollars!) Damn, Tiger… those horizontal, porno moan sessions carry a pretty painful price tag! But, does Elin really deserve all this stuff? And, why aren’t more sources in the media asking this question. Additionally, it’s reported she doesn’t want Tiger’s so-called “female companions” around the kids. Hmmm. If the kids are coming over, Tiger’s girlfriend has got to hide in the closet? Sounds like sour grapes to me. Additionally, Elin wants the kids, it’s being reported, to spend most of their time in Sweden with her. Really? What about the small fact that these children have a… um… I know it’s a dirty word in America… father.

Pretty good deal Elin. Bring your slinky Swedish ass to America… marry a rich man… and then bail with his kids and money back to Toaster Strudel Land. Bravo. You really have come a long way baby!