Divorce Cheap

Elin Nordegren Gets $100 Million

admin — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 15:40:13 +0000

Woods Elin

Well, there was some speculation that the lanky Elin was going to get a $750 million dollar payday as a Tiger Woods divorce bonus. It turns out she’ll only pocket a mere $100 million. Poor girl. Not bad for the virtue of being an average-looking (by Swedish standards) woman who shook her little ass right into the perennially-horny Tiger’s libido.

And sure… Woods is really more of a dog than a tiger, and when you’re married your penis should only be entering the holes of the woman to whom you’re married. I think most of us agree on that. But, again…it raises the question: Why is it exactly that Elin is entitled to $100 million fucking dollars? That’s a lot of money friends? Should she get some child support? Yes, of course! Should she get some money as the fault which violated the marriage contract was committed by Woods? Yes, of course! But one hundred million dollars?

There is something seriously wrong with our American divorce culture.

Sandra Bullock’s Divorce Finalized

admin — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 14:57:13 +0000

Sandra Bullock

You may remember Sandra Bullock from such films as Speed and While You Were Sleeping. I don’t know why this is…but, I just never remember Bullock for anything. I’ve heard her name many times, but I can’t even pull up a mental image. Let me do a Google image search. While Bullock is more attractive than average…and while she’s possibly a tiny bit more talented than average…she’s just sort of forgettable to me. In fact, I’m about to write a tiny bit about how Bullock just finalized her divorce to Jesse James, and I’ll probably forget that by lunch time.

Bullock also said that two months ago she adopted a boy named Louis. Great. Adopt a kid. Get rid of the man. Viva America. (That is sarcasm.)

Elin Nordegren, You Really Have Come A Long Way Baby!

admin — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 16:19:09 +0000

Elin Nordegren and child

Recently, we took a look at Tiger Woods’ upcoming divorce and how having a banging Swedish body can put $750 million in your Gucci purse. And, all of this, of course, stands as a good example of how not to get a cheap divorce! But, when a man’s worth over $900 million and lives in the good ole U.S. of A…yea, bend over low Mr. Woods because there ain’t going to be any Vaseline!

And, all of it begs the question…just what is it that entitles Elin Nordegren to three quarters of a billion dollars of another man’s money in addition to having majority power of his children…while the bad guy is also making public, self-castigating statements on his website for the world to view? Just how exactly did marriage in America come to this point? Granted, Tiger Woods’ behavior leaves a lot to be desired: although, his behavior really doesn’t contradict the innate male programming that’s in place from millions of years of human evolution. The marriage contract itself is an artificial constraint intended to regulate sexual behavior. And, in the case of Tiger…well, the regulation didn’t stick.

But, let’s keep at this thing…a woman marries a man, stays with him for five years, has a few kids…okay, in America this means that if she divorces him, she is entitled to $750 million dollars and residential custody of the kids? Really? At least in Nordegren’s case, this would fall under the category of a fault divorce, but…. since the 1970s and the advent of no fault divorce, that doesn’t even really matter.

So, what does Elin Nordegren want? And, what does she deserve? Apparently Tiger was having a good time banging the boxes of strippers and porn stars in every corner of the known universe. And, right…he shouldn’t have done that. Additionally, with a piece of woman as hot as Elin…well, her Swedish love slot should have been enough to put a permanent, idiot grin on the face of any red-blooded American man!

So, Elin does want things! I guess the reasoning goes like this: if you want to plow porn star pootanannie while married to me, it’s going to cost you. And, cost you dearly young Tiger. New semi-confirmed sources indicate that in addition to all the millions, sweet Elin wants Tiger’s Jupiter Island Estate (worth a whopping $80 million dollars!) Damn, Tiger… those horizontal, porno moan sessions carry a pretty painful price tag! But, does Elin really deserve all this stuff? And, why aren’t more sources in the media asking this question. Additionally, it’s reported she doesn’t want Tiger’s so-called “female companions” around the kids. Hmmm. If the kids are coming over, Tiger’s girlfriend has got to hide in the closet? Sounds like sour grapes to me. Additionally, Elin wants the kids, it’s being reported, to spend most of their time in Sweden with her. Really? What about the small fact that these children have a… um… I know it’s a dirty word in America… father.

Pretty good deal Elin. Bring your slinky Swedish ass to America… marry a rich man… and then bail with his kids and money back to Toaster Strudel Land. Bravo. You really have come a long way baby!

How To Lose $750 Million Dollars

admin — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 15:18:20 +0000

Call her Elin Nordegren…call her Elin Woods… call her Elin Nordegren Woods… call her whatever you want… I call her a pretty expensive piece and one way to lose $7.5 million dollars.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar Getting Divorced

admin — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 14:49:10 +0000

Zack and Jesse

Everyone’s favorite actor…a man whose talent endlessly amazed us on the television drama Saved By The Bell… that’s right… Mark-Paul Gosselaar… well, he’s filed for divorce. Now, we all know he was pretty cool as Zack Morris… he seemed to have a way with the ladies, and, for whatever reason, he was obsessed with the pill-popping Jesse Spano… if you feel like laughing your ass off for a minute, just have a look at this Saved By The Bell video in which Jesse confesses her need of happy pills and also her high level of excitement:

lmfao

But, anyway, Mark-Paul Gosselaar and uber hottie Lisa Ann Russell are taking the express train straight to Splittsville, USA. Apparently Mark-Paul filed for a divorce. But, does a man with two first names really deserve true happiness? I ask you that.

Elin Nordegren To Become Ridiculously Rich

admin — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 13:14:03 +0000

Okay, sure Elin Nordegren is a Swedish goddess. Well, I’ve got news for you. I’ve been to Sweden twice and one in four girls looks quite similar to Elin. And the other three look even better. Oh, what is it about that Swedish gene pool, and just why exactly can’t we have that in America. During my daily life on the east coast, one in four girls is grossly obese, and the other three are just obese. Really American women… let’s get it together.

As for Elin, she’s pretty clearly a gold-digger. Because, let me ask you this. Should divorcing someone really earn you $750 million dollars! I don’t care how beautiful you are. I don’t care if you look like Dana Scully!

But, this is how our whole American divorce culture works. Elin was married to Tiger Woods for just shy of six years…during that time, he made a pile of money because that’s what Tiger does…for whatever reason he’s got an uncanny knack at hitting a ball with a stick… and for whatever reason, this has earned him an obscene amount of wealth.

mustang ranch

And, because he got to screw Elin for a few years, apparently, he has to give her $750 million dollars. And, yea, she is pretty damn good-looking. But, do you know how far even just a million dollars would take you at Nevada’s brothel the Mustang Ranch. Let’s just say you would be set for life, and you’d also have the marvelous blessing of variety. Well, come to think of it…apparently Tiger did have variety also. The variety got him into trouble.

But, if he followed my plan instead, he would be $749 million dollars richer. Why don’t more people listen to me? I wonder.

Al Gore’s Divorce and the Molested Masseuse

admin — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 12:57:11 +0000

Al Gore

Right about now former American Vice President may be wishing that he did not in fact invent our beloved internet. We all know about Al’s coming divorce from censorship nut Tipper. But, do you know about the Oregon masseuse who’s claiming that a , drunk-with-power, former Veep went into a “crazed sex poodle” attack on her in some tawdry motel room. Well, that’s what she’s claiming at least.

What’s a Courtroom Divorce?

admin — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 02:52:12 +0000

A courtroom divorce is the most awful and expensive of all the options. Your divorce is settled in the courtroom between lawyers and a judge. It costs a fortune. You also can’t be guaranteed that the judge is impartial. Judges are humans and always have their own prejudices (despite whatever popular, idealistic nonsense you may hear to the contrary.) Men rarely do well in American family court. Lawyers are frequently unscrupulous and legal malpractice complaints are not at all uncommon. Additionally, statistics and research has shown that a lot of lawyers are liars.

What’s a Contested Divorce?

admin — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 02:48:15 +0000

A contested divorce is when you and your spouse do not agree on the terms of your divorce. There may be conflict about child custody, alimony, etc. This is much more expensive than a cooperative divorce. Lawyers are almost always involved. And, there’s a chance it will lead to a trial.

What’s a Cooperative Divorce?

admin — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 02:45:19 +0000

A cooperative divorce is definitely the cheapest. In this style of divorce, you and your spouse agree to file a no-fault divorce form; then, you reach an agreement about the details of your divorce between yourselves. When all is settled, you file the paperwork.